Since settling in Sydney, there has been one job I have put off – sorting through my clothes. With the mix of having polycystic ovaries, coming off the pill and going from an active job to working from home, I knew that most of them wouldn’t fit me anymore. I tried them on the other day and I was right.
For even the most confident person, having a wardrobe where nothing fits is a knock.
Whilst the idea of being curvier never particularly upset me, the thought of having to get an entire new wardrobe did. Thinking about shopping for everything felt like an exhausting task before I had even started it and having to let go of clothes I loved was upsetting. Then I thought of what the cost would be and wanted to cry!
Over the last few weeks I have done a little shopping and I have found that, actually, this change in me is a positive. What at first felt doom and gloom has been a way to reinvent myself.
I’ve pushed myself out of a style rut that I didn’t even really realise that I was in. In England, I pretty much wore black, white and occasionally grey. I liked my staple wardrobe colours and never really veered away from the same style of clothes I had always worn.
But now I am experimenting with colours and prints – yes, I wear colour now! Sure, I still wear a lot of black and white, but I am also wearing cuts and shapes that I never would have worn before. The heat means that I can’t hide behind layers and I am learning to feel even more confident in my skin. I wear skirts most of the time now – skirts!! I am enjoying looking different and this in turn has made me feel different, too. I feel happier, more confident and in control of how I look.
In all honesty, it has been hard adjusting to the changes PCOS has had on my body. Having been one size and one shape for as long as I can remember, it has sometimes felt like I am looking in a mirror and seeing someone that I don’t recognise.
But in some ways it has been nice to be forced to rethink how I dress and reevaluate the attitude I have towards my body. This journey, with it’s highs, lows and awkward flat bits in between, has been worth it even if only for pushing myself to try new looks. I’m curvier, a little more tanned and I am happy with that. I feel like me, only a more colourful version of myself.